It’s been a while since I blogged about my issues with depression. It’s been extremely difficult and I want to share what got me through. Hope it helps someone out there. Getting it out and written helps me.
First, let’s look at the catalyst for my episodes.
Loneliness. Yes, even I, Ms. Hermit herself succumbs to loneliness. I worldwide pandemic calling everyone to stay home did not help in the least. It’s the fact that I’m still single. I am still looking for someone. Not someone, a relationship. I’m looking for romance. I want to be the place someone goes to when they have a good day or a bad day. I’m looking for a real connection and comfort with another person. I’m also looking at 40 and being overweight. That goes into the next catalyst.
Change. I turned 40 this year. I’m not so vain that I can’t handle being 40. I’m 40 though with a brand new weight problem. I’ve got to the point that I’m scared as hell. I feel as through I will not be able to get the weight off. I don’t feel that I can run anymore which was once something I loved. This goes into the next catalyst.
Perceived Helplessness. I call it perceived helplessness because that’s all it is, perceived. I can run. I can get the weight off. I can find someone. I need to realize I have a maladaptive component to my thought process that turns my problems into death sentences.
These have been the three biggest catalysts that I have experienced recently. I have been battling depression for the past 30 years and everyday is a struggle. Sometimes I can shake it off and other times I’m lucky to be here. If you or someone you know has been to that point, please call the number above.