This one is heartbreaking for me. I have someone in my life that I became fast friends with. It was only a matter of day before I put my guard down and felt comfortable with her.
Here lately, I have taken a step back from this fast friendship to evaluate things. Here are some observations…
1. Trash talk. Come on! We all do it. But, all of our conversations start with trash talk about someone in the office.
2. Not always on her side. When I try to steer the conversation away from trash talking, I get accused on not being on her side.
3. Always right. Don’t question her, or point out anything wrong. If you do, we will use the personal information you have given her against you. She will work to humiliate you.
There are so many things I can point to but with just those three, I think you know what we are dealing with …
Here are some of the things that I have found to be effective with this situation.
- Have compassion. This one is hard for me when dealing with narcissists, but it’s important. When you stop showing compassion to the nars, you are allowing the nars to control you. You end up losing in the end.
- Set boundaries … unapologetically. Apologizing for setting boundaries is you holding onto the negative core belief that it is not okay for you to have boundaries. That is untrue. You are allowed to have and communicate boundaries. When dealing with a nars, make sure you refer to number one. Respect is the name of the game.
- Detach. This is a hard one for me because I don’t have many friends. Sad but true. I know though that I need to detach and distance myself for my sake. Yes, there is now trash talk about me, but I don’t care. Consider the source.
Do I love this friend? Of course I do, but today, I have to love her from a distance.