Better

It took a while yesterday but I’m feeling better. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Yesterday is what I like to call a depression eruption. I’ve been sitting on feelings of loneliness for a while and after a couple of events happened related to being alone … Ka-boom!!!!

I shutdown, I am unable to focus on anything, and I cry. I go to very emotional dark place which again I have been struggling with all of my life.

Today, I am feeling better so I’ll focus on that and make the most of today.

Question of the day 2/13/2020: #struggling

Even though I woke up so optimistic, at 9:41 pm I find myself struggling. I have had several punches to the nose today and I’m emotionally struggling.

How do you handle it when you’re struggling to keep your head above water?

person underwater
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Surely tomorrow will be better.

Anxiety in the AM

***This is just a blog. If needed, seek actual treatment for anxiety. This is only a blog****

I am sitting here with my cup of coffee and I will admit. I am anxious today. The little kiddo is having her tonsils removed today. She is in high spirits though.

I have in the past struggled with anxiety. I don’t mean just a little nervous. I mean batten down the hatches, perfect storm anxiety.

close up of girl covering face
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Here are some ways that I am coping with anxiety today instead of losing my mind.

  1. Acknowledge it. Don’t play it off like it doesn’t matter. It does matter. It’s a real feeling that you are experiencing. You can put a hat on a pig and call it a prince, but it’s still a pig.
  2. Talk about it with someone that is not anxious. Just as you should not talk about your cravings to drink with someone who is drunk.
  3. Take a moment to breathe. As I was hanging my butt, literally, off the side of a building getting ready to repeal, the wise sage leading me through it told me that there was one thing I had to do for him because I had stopped doing it. I didn’t see how I could refuse such a request at that time. I looked up as if to ask what Ii could do for him. He looked at me and said, “Breathe”. Don’t forget to breathe.
  4. 7% The last thing on this list my be completely wrong, but it has helped me for many, many years. I taught life and recovery skills and had a curriculum that I had to follow. There was a section that I would teach on stress management that broke down the things that we are anxious about. When all said and done, it said that 7% of what we are anxious about is worth being anxious about and within our sphere of influence to change. 7%!!! Again, this may be completely wrong, but if this helps decrease your anxiety, help you identify what you can control, then by all means use it. Of course my little kiddo having surgery today is something that I need to be concerned about, but thankfully I am not wrapped around the axel about other things that I can’t do a damn thing about.

Like I said previously, seek treatment if you need to do so for anxiety. This is just what I use that I find helpful.

I hope you have a good morning and find your reason to smile.

Solo Lunch 3/18/2019

How things have changed for me in one week…
Last Monday, I was not solo for lunch. I went lunch with a good friend. She insisted on me downloading the Bumble app.

bee
Reluctantly I did. I went through an swiped this way and that way for about a day. I had several matches and started a couple of conversations. Those conversations didn’t go anywhere. I matched with someone and we seemed to hit it off.
Our messages went from Bumble and moved on to texting directly. This was terrifying, but I decided to take that leap. Friday night he called. With my anxiety at DEFCON 1, I decided to take the call.
As an introvert, I am amazing at texting. I am funny, witty, and the words just seem to flow. I am same at letter writing. It’s just too bad that is now a lost art. When the phone of an introvert rings, panic strikes hard. For me, its the same type of panic felt when you see blue lights in the rearview mirror while driving down the road in a stolen car. I assume, I don’t know this from first hand knowledge. I’m just guessing.

Shy

 

I don’t know what came over me. I grabbed my phone and answered the call. We spoke about different stuff for 19 minutes. I checked the time on my phone. To my surprise, I was able to keep the conversation moving and … I enjoyed it. It felt easy. Conversations never feel this easy for me, but this one did. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the infatuation that was coursing through my body. Maybe it was the sound of his voice (he has an amazing voice).
Plans were made for next weekend. Great, a whole week to agonize over every single detail. Well, things happen the way they need to in life. Things shifted in my schedule and his schedule and we were able to meet up yesterday.
I went from a week to agonize to just 12 hours. I was now forced to do something that I have trouble doing. I would just have to do my best, and accept it.

Wow, a first date and self growth!!!

achievement activity adolescent arms
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He and I met and had an amazing time. Please don’t take this to mean that I will always be able to accept myself  and that I will be OK with myself, but this is a step in the right direction.

To be continued …