Tag: dating

Boy I wish I could write about a subject without experiencing it because frankly this one felt like a kick in the teeth.

I was dumped. Yes, I am 38, almost 39 and I was dumped. I kind of made me feel young. Looking back, I know the warning signs were there, but in my lovestruck haze, I could not see them for what they were. Looking back, sure, you can see lots of things clearly. I could sit and analyze them until the cows come home, but that won’t do any good at this point. I wouldn’t be able to use that information in the next relationship because again, in the blissful haze, one cannot see the warning signs even if you hit them over the head with them. Here is what I’m doing to survive.

1. Be sad. So often, we try to avoid emotions, especially sadness. I took time to sit quietly and experience that sadness. It came with a lot of tears and a lot of used tissues. I did not die from the sadness. Sure it hurt, and it’s lingering, but it’s getting better.
2. Look at things realistically. He wasn’t Prince Charming riding in on our horse. He is someone that I met Bumble. His profile did say he wanted kids, but in the end, that is why he dumped me. He didn’t want to continue on with someone that has kids. He and I would go out to dinner and enjoy each others company. He didn’t show interest in getting to know me (red flag I missed).
3. Don’t carry his bag of crap around with me. That expression is from the old counseling days. My colleagues and I would tell our clients that everyone in life takes a crap in a bag. Gross image, but stay with me. In our bag is our stuff, anxiety, depression, fear, abandonment issues, etc… Our bag is tough enough to carry already. Do you will want to be responsible for carrying someone else’s bag O’ shit? He has issues with kids. That’s HIS issue. My kids are wonderful and amazing and that fact that he doesn’t want to be saddled with them is on him and not me. FYI, I wasn’t anywhere near the point of introducing my kiddos to him.
4. Don’t trash him. Let’s take the high road shall we. The view is nicer from here. It will do no good for anyone. Yes, you may feel momentary joy, even down right giddiness, but that won’t last. I personally don’t take pleasure in causing someone else pain. With is job in the public, that would only hurt him and his career. And let’s face it, he broke up with me. That’s it. He didn’t kill my dog. I will leave him be and treatment with respect.
5. Don’t turn to the booze, find a healthy outlet. I enjoy a glass of wine every once in a while, but I know me. One is ok, two is better, three is going to lead to four. After that, things get fuzzy. I asked myself what I have not had time for when I was going out with the dude. Running. I decided to get back to it and ran about three miles the day after the break-up. Find what you set aside and get back at it.

***FYI: If you do stalk your break-up online, BE CAREFUL!!! Make sure you don’t hit the like button my mistake. Enjoy!

Hello everyone. It’s that time again. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the first actual date with the guy I met on Bumble. I am still not used to saying that. I am working on questions to ask during dinner to keep the conversation going and to learn more about my gentleman friend. Here are some of the questions (and rationale behind them).

What do your Saturdays look like? – Saturdays are is downtime and the answer to this question will help me determine whether he is an extrovert or an introvert.  Does he bounce from party to party with a large group of friends, or does he have a small group of close friends that dominates his time. Is he active, or is he a bump on  a log.

What makes you laugh? – Humor is something that is very important to me. It’s one of my biggest survival skills. A good since of humor is of the utmost importance for me when it comes to connecting with someone. For me, laughter and a good sense of humor is more important than physical appearance.

What is one of your passions in life? – We have a major red flag waving in the air if he can’t identify a passion that he has. I see the lack of something that he is passionate about as an imbalance in external/internal focus. If there is nothing he is able to identify as something that he is passionate about, is all that time and attention focused on himself? Again, this is a major red flag for me and requires more attention than I am prepared to give to a new relationship at this time.

Do you have a special place you like to visit? – Finding out his “Wa Space”gives excellent insight into what makes him happy. Does he love the beach? The mountains? The city? Also, when you ask someone to recall a special place, those feelings of happiness are experienced during that recall.

What is the best/first concert you attended? – Everyone has a great concert story. This is an excellent way to keep the conversation lively and to get an insight into what type of music he likes. Usually, you attend your first concerts when you were younger and now, you have some information about his childhood.

Until next time …