Better

It took a while yesterday but I’m feeling better. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Yesterday is what I like to call a depression eruption. I’ve been sitting on feelings of loneliness for a while and after a couple of events happened related to being alone … Ka-boom!!!!

I shutdown, I am unable to focus on anything, and I cry. I go to very emotional dark place which again I have been struggling with all of my life.

Today, I am feeling better so I’ll focus on that and make the most of today.

Question of the day 2/13/2020: #struggling

Even though I woke up so optimistic, at 9:41 pm I find myself struggling. I have had several punches to the nose today and I’m emotionally struggling.

How do you handle it when you’re struggling to keep your head above water?

person underwater
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Surely tomorrow will be better.

I’m Back!!!!

It’s been a while since blogging but I’m back. There have been sooo many changes with me. Not really. I’m still unable to find love and keep making the same mistakes with the same guy. Sigh

I did change my hair color so that’s new. I plan on blogging several times a day for right now. I find that it helped me and my writing. And I just enjoyed it.

I plan on covering just that, stuff I enjoy. Stuff that makes me happy and my new adventures. I’m also going to talk about my depression, my kiddos, being a single parent, living on a farm, cooking, dating, etc…

I’m glad to be back and I look forward to getting back to writing. Until next time…

Sunday Motivation

Well hello again.

It has been a looooooooong time since I have writing and for many reasons. Before I explain my absence, here is your Sunday Motivation…

Change.

person holding coins
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Yes, I know it’s difficult. Yes, I know it’s uncomfortable. But just do it already.

“But, I love me the way that I am”. If you’re at a point in your life in which you are happy with you, super duper. I’m not talking to you, so sit down and keep smiling. I am talking to those that might not be in a good place. The ones struggling with depression and anxiety. Yes, you.

I was in a depression a few months ago. I knew what was wrong but I was doing abso-damn-lutely nothing to get out of it. I had lunch with a good friend of mind and she asked me about dating. I told her that lunch with her was the closest to dating. She forced me to download the Bumble app. So I did. She forced me to create a profile and start swiping. So, I did. She’s a dear friend and I highly susceptible to peer pressure.

I found a few guys and sent a few messages. Not too long after I started, I met someone who I decided to start dating ,,, in person. It has been great. I am actually writing this as we are returning from the beach!!! Awesome.

Will this relationship last. I don’t know. I hope so because I am head over heels for this guy. If it doesn’t, I’m not worried. I will survive, nay thrive.

I said all of that to say this. I didn’t find my way out of the depression I was in until I changed what was going on.

“But I can’t change.”

Bullshit. Sorry about the language, but I don’t accept that. There are great things out in the world for you. Be brave enough to get them.

Until next time …

 

 

Lunch

057EDECF-5515-4D5D-93B1-C54A2EF21894Today I ate lunch alone. I went to Panera, ordered, and sat down at the window. I enjoy eating lunch in solitude from time to time. There’s no one trying to talk to you while you have you mouth full of food. But today was different. Instead for solitude, I was alone.

Being alone is odd in that, no matter how long I am alone, I never seem to get used to it or feel comfortable with it. Right now, that is a big part of my depression.

When I go out to lunch in a public place alone, I do that for the chance of meeting someone new that I’ll fall in love with. It’s the same idiotic romantic crap that I’ve seen a million times in movies. Truly, I blame the film industry for that dopey idea.

I still hold out hope of finding someone. The hope that I am hold seems to get smaller and smaller though.

I usually post happy and motivational stuff, but I had this going on and I needed to get it out.

If you’re going through something, put it out there and don’t hold onto it. Write about it, talk to someone, but don’t let it fester.