Solo Lunch 4/2/2019

The times are a changin’. Change is the only constant in my life right now.

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I am making the move to a little farmhouse this month. Those that know me are laughing at this change. I will have to flex my pioneer muscle which is very small.

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I am also still in the infatuation stage with the guy I’m dating. The change here is the type of guy. He’s confident, he opens the car door for me, and he is easy going.

I find myself spending a lot of time smiling nowadays. There is so much going on that’s exciting. I am completely embracing the changes in my life. I have committed myself to being F.A.T. Flexible, adaptable, and teachable.

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Infatuation

I’m in it. I think. I’m not 100%, but damn it feels like it. It feels as though I am in the thick of attraction/infatuation. Here is an article on the different types of love and attraction and the biology behind it.
http://www.dana.org/Cerebrum/Default.aspx?id=39351
Here are some survival skills for when you are in the infatuation stage of love:

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1. Know it. Take the blinders off sweetheart. Know that you are feeling the nature high of love. There, I said it. I am high … on the feeling of love, or at least infatuation. To paraphrase an army theme action figure once said, fifty percent of the war is being aware.

2. Don’t make any major decisions. This one is very important. Yes you feel good. Yes you feel happy and there are bluebird’s singing. Great, just don’t get his name tattooed on your butt. Don’t be a cosigner on a car for her if you are in this stage. Marriage, babies, moving in together, etc… NOPE! Just ride this high out. Trust me, you will level out and become sane again. Trust me, if you make those rash decisions, you will wake up and realize you tattooed an idiot’s name on your body forever.

3. Don’t change the relationship. Usually, Infatuation occurs early in the relationship. Don’t go from casually seeing each other to dating. Don’t go from dating to engaged, etc… Don’t rush this feeling. Enjoy it. Giggle and blush. When you rush the relationship due to infatuation, you run the risk of missing out on so much fun.

4. Don’t make up cute nicknames for each other. That is gross no matter what stage of a relationship you are in. Just say no to looking like idiots.

5. Find those moments that can bring you back to infatuation. If the relationship continues to grow, there will be times of tension. During those times, it would do you well to be able to sit quietly, and draw on a memory from the infatuation stage. You need to stay grounded in reality, but there is value in the times when you giggled like a school girl when you thought about him.

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I am currently in the infatuation stage. We have gone out once and we text daily. I feel a smile comes across my face when I hear my phone bing with a text from him. I felt high when I was held in his arms. I felt high and … comfortable. It’s an amazing experience that I have not had in many years. For the past few years, I have felt that my marriage failed because of me. Something that I am is so inherently wrong, that I was not wanted.
I am grateful to have taken time to really learn abut myself. This has helped me develop my handy guide to infatuation in the hopes that I will not fall into that trap again.

Good night.

My first trip to Ikea

Hej! That is hello in Swedish. Today I had a chance to go to Ikea in Atlanta, GA. Now, this was the first time I have ever been to an Ikea store. It was sensory overload, but wonderful.

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I needed to start getting stuff for my apartment that I will be moving into April or May. I have realized that I am starting at square one. I have almost nothing. Let me reassure you that I am an adult, but I have nothing. It’s part of the perils of being the bigger person.

When my husband and I separated, I was the one that left the home. I allowed him to keep everything. I realized the kiddos’ world would be turned upside down enough. I moved in with a family member and had everything I needed.

Now, I have to buy another life. Beds, a couch, sheets, … Hell, I had to buy a dish rack. Some people might be bitter about having to start over. I’m taking this as a challenge and an adventure.

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If you should find yourself needing to start over like I did, or if you are just wanting something new, let me suggest Ikea. The prices were amazing and there was a great selection of everything. This is the first of many trips I will be taking to Ikea.

The next adventure will be getting all of the furniture put together.

Overcoming the cravings

I have gone almost two months without smoking. I am extremely proud of myself for going this long. That hasn’t happened in a long time. I used the patches to help me quit and I am almost finished with them. The first time I quit, about ten years ago, I had so much support from everyone. This time, I feel like everyone is trying to sabotage my efforts. I currently live with people that smokers whenever I come in the room. I will not be able to get the apartment I want until June, and I’m seriously considering finding another apartment.

I have been surrounded by cravings since I have quit smoking. Since coming back from Cambodia (more on that), I have been struggling all of the time. Here are the ways that I have been dealing with the cravings to smoke again.

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  1. Leave the room. When I am around someone that starts smoking. I simply leave the room. This might not be practical all of the time, but when you are able to, I suggest removing yourself from the situation.
  2. When I want to have a cigarette, I think about wanting and I try to think about why I want to smoke. Most of the time, it’s compulsory. It’s because there is nothing in my hand and I’m bored. Don’t just try to ignore the craving. Think about the craving and find the remedy to your craving.
  3. Find things to do with your hands and your time. If you’re bored, do something. If you’re stressed, find a stress reliever. Keep moving.
  4. Start working out. Yes, I have gained weight since I quit smoking. I knew that would happen. Exercise will help with the weight gain and occupying my mind.
  5. Clean. I went through everything and removed any to do with smoking. Soon after I quit, I found a lighter and a pack of cigarettes in my nightstand. That almost did me in. I threw everything away.
  6. Go to a different gas station. I know, that one sounds odd, but just hear me out. When I smoked, I would walk into the gas station, and the cashier would have my cigarettes already on the counter. I know that I am not always strong and I would not be able to say no all of the time. I now go to another gas station where the cashiers don’t know me. No issues.

This is just a short list of how I’m trying to beat the cravings. I hope that this list helps someone going through the same things.

 

 

Midday Motivation

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Today I got a phone call from a colleague with some questions. Totally normal. During the conversation we began talking about taking work phone calls on the weekends, after work hours, and on vacation days. Previous jobs had me on the phone, in the office, and in the field at all hours. This current job though is not one of those jobs. It is strictly 8-5. There is nothing life or death about this job. That is one of the things that initially drew me to it.

I quickly realized that she wasn’t looking for answers but wanting counseling. She wanted to process the stress and anxiety her job was causing her. I am no longer a counselor, but as a friend, I told her that the job had nothing to do with her stress. She was causing her anxiety. She took a breath and said, “I know but …” I then told her that she was still doing it.

Be careful of the stress that you create. Oh, and don’t call your counselor or ex-counselor friends looking for free counseling.

The Day is Done

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Did you get everything completed that you set out to do today? Did you accomplish your goals? I will be honest. I did not. I accomplished a lot, but fell short on some things. But it will be alright.

Don’t beat yourself up for falling short. You fell the way you needed to at the end of the day. If you feel that you fell short today, that’s great. You are cognizant and ABLE to change.

Goodnight for now. We’ll try it again tomorrow.