Question of the day 2/13/2020: #struggling

Even though I woke up so optimistic, at 9:41 pm I find myself struggling. I have had several punches to the nose today and I’m emotionally struggling.

How do you handle it when you’re struggling to keep your head above water?

person underwater
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Surely tomorrow will be better.

I’m Back!!!!

It’s been a while since blogging but I’m back. There have been sooo many changes with me. Not really. I’m still unable to find love and keep making the same mistakes with the same guy. Sigh

I did change my hair color so that’s new. I plan on blogging several times a day for right now. I find that it helped me and my writing. And I just enjoyed it.

I plan on covering just that, stuff I enjoy. Stuff that makes me happy and my new adventures. I’m also going to talk about my depression, my kiddos, being a single parent, living on a farm, cooking, dating, etc…

I’m glad to be back and I look forward to getting back to writing. Until next time…

Anxiety in the AM

***This is just a blog. If needed, seek actual treatment for anxiety. This is only a blog****

I am sitting here with my cup of coffee and I will admit. I am anxious today. The little kiddo is having her tonsils removed today. She is in high spirits though.

I have in the past struggled with anxiety. I don’t mean just a little nervous. I mean batten down the hatches, perfect storm anxiety.

close up of girl covering face
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Here are some ways that I am coping with anxiety today instead of losing my mind.

  1. Acknowledge it. Don’t play it off like it doesn’t matter. It does matter. It’s a real feeling that you are experiencing. You can put a hat on a pig and call it a prince, but it’s still a pig.
  2. Talk about it with someone that is not anxious. Just as you should not talk about your cravings to drink with someone who is drunk.
  3. Take a moment to breathe. As I was hanging my butt, literally, off the side of a building getting ready to repeal, the wise sage leading me through it told me that there was one thing I had to do for him because I had stopped doing it. I didn’t see how I could refuse such a request at that time. I looked up as if to ask what Ii could do for him. He looked at me and said, “Breathe”. Don’t forget to breathe.
  4. 7% The last thing on this list my be completely wrong, but it has helped me for many, many years. I taught life and recovery skills and had a curriculum that I had to follow. There was a section that I would teach on stress management that broke down the things that we are anxious about. When all said and done, it said that 7% of what we are anxious about is worth being anxious about and within our sphere of influence to change. 7%!!! Again, this may be completely wrong, but if this helps decrease your anxiety, help you identify what you can control, then by all means use it. Of course my little kiddo having surgery today is something that I need to be concerned about, but thankfully I am not wrapped around the axel about other things that I can’t do a damn thing about.

Like I said previously, seek treatment if you need to do so for anxiety. This is just what I use that I find helpful.

I hope you have a good morning and find your reason to smile.

Sunday Motivation

Well hello again.

It has been a looooooooong time since I have writing and for many reasons. Before I explain my absence, here is your Sunday Motivation…

Change.

person holding coins
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Yes, I know it’s difficult. Yes, I know it’s uncomfortable. But just do it already.

“But, I love me the way that I am”. If you’re at a point in your life in which you are happy with you, super duper. I’m not talking to you, so sit down and keep smiling. I am talking to those that might not be in a good place. The ones struggling with depression and anxiety. Yes, you.

I was in a depression a few months ago. I knew what was wrong but I was doing abso-damn-lutely nothing to get out of it. I had lunch with a good friend of mind and she asked me about dating. I told her that lunch with her was the closest to dating. She forced me to download the Bumble app. So I did. She forced me to create a profile and start swiping. So, I did. She’s a dear friend and I highly susceptible to peer pressure.

I found a few guys and sent a few messages. Not too long after I started, I met someone who I decided to start dating ,,, in person. It has been great. I am actually writing this as we are returning from the beach!!! Awesome.

Will this relationship last. I don’t know. I hope so because I am head over heels for this guy. If it doesn’t, I’m not worried. I will survive, nay thrive.

I said all of that to say this. I didn’t find my way out of the depression I was in until I changed what was going on.

“But I can’t change.”

Bullshit. Sorry about the language, but I don’t accept that. There are great things out in the world for you. Be brave enough to get them.

Until next time …

 

 

Monday Haiku

The burnout is real

My heart feels empty right now

I need peace and love

lighted candle
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Let me explain this haiku. After being in social services for as long as I have, I am feeling the burnout right now. This is the first time in my career that I have started looking for employment outside of social services.

I have experienced this burnout many times and I know how to remedy it. It’s a work in progress.

Overcoming the cravings

I have gone almost two months without smoking. I am extremely proud of myself for going this long. That hasn’t happened in a long time. I used the patches to help me quit and I am almost finished with them. The first time I quit, about ten years ago, I had so much support from everyone. This time, I feel like everyone is trying to sabotage my efforts. I currently live with people that smokers whenever I come in the room. I will not be able to get the apartment I want until June, and I’m seriously considering finding another apartment.

I have been surrounded by cravings since I have quit smoking. Since coming back from Cambodia (more on that), I have been struggling all of the time. Here are the ways that I have been dealing with the cravings to smoke again.

black and white blur cigar cigarette
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  1. Leave the room. When I am around someone that starts smoking. I simply leave the room. This might not be practical all of the time, but when you are able to, I suggest removing yourself from the situation.
  2. When I want to have a cigarette, I think about wanting and I try to think about why I want to smoke. Most of the time, it’s compulsory. It’s because there is nothing in my hand and I’m bored. Don’t just try to ignore the craving. Think about the craving and find the remedy to your craving.
  3. Find things to do with your hands and your time. If you’re bored, do something. If you’re stressed, find a stress reliever. Keep moving.
  4. Start working out. Yes, I have gained weight since I quit smoking. I knew that would happen. Exercise will help with the weight gain and occupying my mind.
  5. Clean. I went through everything and removed any to do with smoking. Soon after I quit, I found a lighter and a pack of cigarettes in my nightstand. That almost did me in. I threw everything away.
  6. Go to a different gas station. I know, that one sounds odd, but just hear me out. When I smoked, I would walk into the gas station, and the cashier would have my cigarettes already on the counter. I know that I am not always strong and I would not be able to say no all of the time. I now go to another gas station where the cashiers don’t know me. No issues.

This is just a short list of how I’m trying to beat the cravings. I hope that this list helps someone going through the same things.