I was supposed to have had a date this Saturday night with the new guy. Supposed to being the important words in that last statement. He fell ill, and did not want to get me sick, so he called it off.
Now, even in my old age, my ego is fragile. The slightest hiccup in the road, and my negative self-talk gets on the bullhorn and shouts from the mountain.
Now, staying depressed is my go to in situations like this. I made other decisions though that moved me from survivor to someone who is thriving.
Surviving is crying in bed (check), spending too much money as a means of retail therapy (check), and lashing out at others (check).
Thriving is crushing 4 miles (running) for the first time in several years, being the loud mom at that baseball game. Thriving is telling the negative self-talk to shut the hell up. Thriving involves tacos and a margarita at the end of the night.
Even when you hit a setback, make the decision to overcome, kick ass, and take names.
Oh, and he was genuinely sick and we have a date scheduled for this week.
I’m in it. I think. I’m not 100%, but damn it feels like it. It feels as though I am in the thick of attraction/infatuation. Here is an article on the different types of love and attraction and the biology behind it. http://www.dana.org/Cerebrum/Default.aspx?id=39351
Here are some survival skills for when you are in the infatuation stage of love:
1. Know it. Take the blinders off sweetheart. Know that you are feeling the nature high of love. There, I said it. I am high … on the feeling of love, or at least infatuation. To paraphrase an army theme action figure once said, fifty percent of the war is being aware.
2. Don’t make any major decisions. This one is very important. Yes you feel good. Yes you feel happy and there are bluebird’s singing. Great, just don’t get his name tattooed on your butt. Don’t be a cosigner on a car for her if you are in this stage. Marriage, babies, moving in together, etc… NOPE! Just ride this high out. Trust me, you will level out and become sane again. Trust me, if you make those rash decisions, you will wake up and realize you tattooed an idiot’s name on your body forever.
3. Don’t change the relationship. Usually, Infatuation occurs early in the relationship. Don’t go from casually seeing each other to dating. Don’t go from dating to engaged, etc… Don’t rush this feeling. Enjoy it. Giggle and blush. When you rush the relationship due to infatuation, you run the risk of missing out on so much fun.
4. Don’t make up cute nicknames for each other. That is gross no matter what stage of a relationship you are in. Just say no to looking like idiots.
5. Find those moments that can bring you back to infatuation. If the relationship continues to grow, there will be times of tension. During those times, it would do you well to be able to sit quietly, and draw on a memory from the infatuation stage. You need to stay grounded in reality, but there is value in the times when you giggled like a school girl when you thought about him.
I am currently in the infatuation stage. We have gone out once and we text daily. I feel a smile comes across my face when I hear my phone bing with a text from him. I felt high when I was held in his arms. I felt high and … comfortable. It’s an amazing experience that I have not had in many years. For the past few years, I have felt that my marriage failed because of me. Something that I am is so inherently wrong, that I was not wanted.
I am grateful to have taken time to really learn abut myself. This has helped me develop my handy guide to infatuation in the hopes that I will not fall into that trap again.
How things have changed for me in one week…
Last Monday, I was not solo for lunch. I went lunch with a good friend. She insisted on me downloading the Bumble app.
Reluctantly I did. I went through an swiped this way and that way for about a day. I had several matches and started a couple of conversations. Those conversations didn’t go anywhere. I matched with someone and we seemed to hit it off.
Our messages went from Bumble and moved on to texting directly. This was terrifying, but I decided to take that leap. Friday night he called. With my anxiety at DEFCON 1, I decided to take the call.
As an introvert, I am amazing at texting. I am funny, witty, and the words just seem to flow. I am same at letter writing. It’s just too bad that is now a lost art. When the phone of an introvert rings, panic strikes hard. For me, its the same type of panic felt when you see blue lights in the rearview mirror while driving down the road in a stolen car. I assume, I don’t know this from first hand knowledge. I’m just guessing.
I don’t know what came over me. I grabbed my phone and answered the call. We spoke about different stuff for 19 minutes. I checked the time on my phone. To my surprise, I was able to keep the conversation moving and … I enjoyed it. It felt easy. Conversations never feel this easy for me, but this one did. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the infatuation that was coursing through my body. Maybe it was the sound of his voice (he has an amazing voice).
Plans were made for next weekend. Great, a whole week to agonize over every single detail. Well, things happen the way they need to in life. Things shifted in my schedule and his schedule and we were able to meet up yesterday.
I went from a week to agonize to just 12 hours. I was now forced to do something that I have trouble doing. I would just have to do my best, and accept it.
Wow, a first date and self growth!!!
He and I met and had an amazing time. Please don’t take this to mean that I will always be able to accept myself and that I will be OK with myself, but this is a step in the right direction.
Hej! That is hello in Swedish. Today I had a chance to go to Ikea in Atlanta, GA. Now, this was the first time I have ever been to an Ikea store. It was sensory overload, but wonderful.
I needed to start getting stuff for my apartment that I will be moving into April or May. I have realized that I am starting at square one. I have almost nothing. Let me reassure you that I am an adult, but I have nothing. It’s part of the perils of being the bigger person.
When my husband and I separated, I was the one that left the home. I allowed him to keep everything. I realized the kiddos’ world would be turned upside down enough. I moved in with a family member and had everything I needed.
Now, I have to buy another life. Beds, a couch, sheets, … Hell, I had to buy a dish rack. Some people might be bitter about having to start over. I’m taking this as a challenge and an adventure.
If you should find yourself needing to start over like I did, or if you are just wanting something new, let me suggest Ikea. The prices were amazing and there was a great selection of everything. This is the first of many trips I will be taking to Ikea.
The next adventure will be getting all of the furniture put together.