The interview went great and I feel like I’m going to get the job. If I’m offered the job, it will just lead to a big decision..
Do I stay or do I go now?
The position I currently have has benefits and pays very well. The drawbacks (and there are many) is that it’s a dangerous job and it’s going to drive me insane (not in the fun way).
The job I interviewed for would be amazing. It would be an amazing work environment, room for growth, and waaaaaaaaay less stress. Drawbacks include the lack of benefits and the pay. It’s a substantial pay cut.
How much is my sanity worth. I’m go to need to think about this.
It took a while yesterday but I’m feeling better. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Yesterday is what I like to call a depression eruption. I’ve been sitting on feelings of loneliness for a while and after a couple of events happened related to being alone … Ka-boom!!!!
I shutdown, I am unable to focus on anything, and I cry. I go to very emotional dark place which again I have been struggling with all of my life.
Today, I am feeling better so I’ll focus on that and make the most of today.
I was supposed to have had a date this Saturday night with the new guy. Supposed to being the important words in that last statement. He fell ill, and did not want to get me sick, so he called it off.
Now, even in my old age, my ego is fragile. The slightest hiccup in the road, and my negative self-talk gets on the bullhorn and shouts from the mountain.
Now, staying depressed is my go to in situations like this. I made other decisions though that moved me from survivor to someone who is thriving.
Surviving is crying in bed (check), spending too much money as a means of retail therapy (check), and lashing out at others (check).
Thriving is crushing 4 miles (running) for the first time in several years, being the loud mom at that baseball game. Thriving is telling the negative self-talk to shut the hell up. Thriving involves tacos and a margarita at the end of the night.
Even when you hit a setback, make the decision to overcome, kick ass, and take names.
Oh, and he was genuinely sick and we have a date scheduled for this week.
Let me explain this haiku. After being in social services for as long as I have, I am feeling the burnout right now. This is the first time in my career that I have started looking for employment outside of social services.
I have experienced this burnout many times and I know how to remedy it. It’s a work in progress.